A Georgia Superhero!
HOLIDAY IN
HADES?
Copyright by Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.
HOLIDAY IN HADES'
-- Or, more about life in the nether world .....
One thing I've loved since I was a little boy were superheroes.
Believe me, I read so many Superman and Batman comic books when I
was a kid that it's not even funny. I loved their varied super
powers, and how they constantly got out of scrapes that would have
destroyed any normal man. I was so into them that I also became big
fans of the Flash, Spiderman, the Fantastic Four, the Green
Lantern, and several others. I'm also quite excited that there's a
new Batman movie out, Batman Begins, and its early reviews are
outstanding! To say that I'll see it more than once is an
understatement, the Batman character is terrifically fascinating,
and I hope this'll be the start of a whole new string of Batman
films.
All that having been said, I've started wondering if I could create
a superhero. A superhero who's different, a Southern superhero, and
more specifically, a Georgia superhero. A superhero that we
Georgians can claim as one of our own. And, if I think really hard
about it, if I think of all the unique things that Georgia has to
offer, and if I think about the kind of superhero that would excite
me enough to go out and buy a comic book, one potential superhero
fits the bill. Readers of this column, y'all are about to be the
first people ever to hear about our newest superhero, yes, our
first ever Georgia superhero - ladies and gentlemen, let me proudly
introduce you to....
Red Clay Man!
Yes, that's right, Red Clay Man! Faster than a man who's just eaten
a large helping of aged jalapenos! More powerful than a Okefenokee
gator in heat! Able to leap tall fire ant mounds in a single
bound!
Isn't he the most' And don't laugh, Red Clay Man is endowed with
powers far different than that of the average superhero. All Red
Clay Man has to do to get ready for some crime fighting is to go
out into rural Georgia and fill up his Crackerjack Back Pack with
handfuls of red clay. Armed with one of our most precious natural
substances, he can go out and fight crime like no one's business!
Just think of it - a criminal holds up a bank in Metter and decides
to drive out in the country to count the loot. He pulls over on
some little back road somewhere and starts counting. Suddenly, from
out of nowhere, a big glob of red clay hits him smack between the
eyes! He's blinded! And, if he happens to have the presence of mind
to try and run away, well, two globs of wet red clay splash down on
the ground right in front of him, causing him to slip and fall. At
that point, Red Clay Man slaps his kudzu cuffs on the evildoer and
renders justice to him, Georgia style!
Okay, there may be a couple of minor flaws in Red Clay Man, but
hey, every superhero has his or her weaknesses. I guess he could
only fight crime out in the rural parts of Georgia because he'd
have to keep his supply of red clay continually replenished, but
hey, rural Georgia has crime too, right' And I suppose he'd need a
way to get around our state in order to fight crime, so what better
vehicle for him to ride around in and terrify evildoers with than
the Maypop Mobile' And, since most crime fighters need a sidekick,
a partner, someone to help get him out of those tight superhero
type scrapes that all the great crime fighters get into, I guess
I'll need to create him one. Folks, I have the perfect one in mind,
I'll team Red Clay Man up with our newest superhero sidekick, the
Boiled Peanut! Put those two together, and you have one heckuva
crime fighting team, two superheroes that'll put the fear of our
previous state flag into any evil doer that challenges them!
Red Clay Man and the Boiled Peanut, our two newest superheroes and
Georgia ones to boot! Hey, if we can host the Olympics in Atlanta,
and if we can elect a President from here, well, we can have our
own superheroes, too! And, it's in our economic best interests if
Red Clay Man catches on - just think about it. Batman is out there
selling tons of t-shirts, toys, and more, just think of the red
clay samples we could ship out of here on account of our newest
superhero! Why, the proceeds from these sales might be so great
that they could even help get the City of Macon out of hock!
About the Author
Ed's latest book, 'Rough As A Cob,' can be ordered by calling
River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He's also a
popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of
Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at:
ed3@ed-williams.com, or
through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.
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