A dog's guide to... Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking
Dog Poo (
Turd Tales )
And you thought we had problems'
In Southern Germany in a town by the name of Bayreuth, the German
police are in a quandary. The town's .....
I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT. So, whattya gonna do
about it' Well, if you're Amber and Terry, you're going to do
NOTHING about it. Ain't nobody going to silence the Rubinman, you
know what I'm sayin'' If you're NOT Amber and Terry, though (i.e.
you're smart) and you want to know how to get your dog to just
freakin' shut up once in a while, here's what you need to know'
Why is your dog barking'
I'll be honest here: I bark because I like it. And because it gets
me some attention. I'm all about the attention. Now, you coulda
probably guessed about the attention thing, but the fact that we
actually ENJOY it' Who knew'
It's true, though. Sometimes I just get a kick out of it. It's
like, I start barking because I'm excited, and then after a while
I'm all, 'hey! This totally rocks!' So I bark some more. And then
some more after that. Then I finish up with a quick round of
barking. Sometimes I come back for an encore. The truth is, by this
time, like Justin Timberlake, I'm lovin' it. So, how're you gonna
stop me' (Clue: you're not. You'll NEVER stop the Rubinman. But you
know what I mean.)
Well, if you want to stop a dog that's barking just for the hell of
it, you're gonna hafta get clever. Cleverer than Amber and Terry.
Whatever you do, DON'T shout at me. You want to know what I think
when you shout at me while I'm barking' I think, 'Coooool! They're
totally barking with me! This SO rocks!' Ha! Amateurs!
No, what you need to do is, you need to distract me. You could play
with me. You could feed me. (Actually, you should totally feed me.
That's the best thing to do. End of article.) But it's better if
you TRAIN me. Uh-huh. TRAIN ME.
Now, I know what y'all are thinking. You're all, 'But the Rubinman
is cleverer than me! I'd NEVER train him!' Well, you're right. You
totally wouldn't. But if you have a NORMAL dog, you can train it.
Mebbe.
I am what's called 'clicker trained.' http://www.clickertraining.com/home/> Clicker
training is when you, like, get this CLICKY thing and get your dog
to believe that if the thing clicks, something good happens. Could
be a goodboy. Could be a big cuddle. (Note: the Rubinman is NOT a
sissy. But a cuddle can be nice). Could be playing with your toys.
Whatever it is, it's GOOD. The clicker is power, and once ya got
power over the dog, you're the boss of it.* If you're REALLY
clever, you can teach your mutt to bark on command, and then stop
barking on command too, using the clicker. That's probably too
advanced for you lot, though, so'
Become An
Expert
Everyone focuses their web marketing efforts on search engines, and
while this is a large part of traffic generation, .....
Understand why YOUR dog is barking
So, yeah, now you know why the Rubinman barks. It's important to
know why YOUR dog barks, though. Here are some possible
reasons:
'He is bored.
'He is scared. (I mean, I'm NEVER scared, but then I WAS raised by
wolves')
'He is lonely.
'He has seen the postman.
'Little Timmy is stuck down a well and your dog wants to lead you
to that well, rescue little Timmy and get a reward. I'll tell ya,
that happens to me a LOT.
HOLIDAY IN
HADES?
Copyright by Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.
HOLIDAY IN HADES'
-- Or, more about life in the nether world .....
Soooooo many reasons for barking there. First thing you need to do
is, you need to find out which reason is the right one. I'll be
honest here: it's probably the postman.
A word about the postman
Most so-called 'exerts' will tell you that your dog barks when he
sees the postman because the postman is intruding on your property
and the dog can't tell the difference between 'friend' and 'foe.'
What a lot of crap experts talk, no' If I talked crap like that,
man, I'd be ashamed to call myself the Rubinman, I really
would.
As any dog will tell you, we bark at the postman because we hate
that sucker. In the wild, postmen are our natural enemies. Walking
up our driveway day after day. Stuffing things through our door.
Ringing the bell. I mean, honestly, do YOU think that's acceptable
behaviour'
Stopping the barking
You ain't never gonna stop the 'me against the postman' mentality.
All you can do, really, is bribe your dog to stay quiet. Remember:
we have no morals. (I mean, we sniff other dog's butts IN THE
STREET, do we look like we'd turn up our noses at a spot of
bribery') We won't be offended if you bribe us.
Now, I'm not saying you should always bribe us with chocolate
goodboys. (I totally AM saying that, by the way). I'm just saying
the best way to get us to behave is to reward us handsomely when we
behave ourselves. Goodboys. Cuddles. Rubbing our furry bellies. Do
this and we will stop barking. Mebbe.
* Amber and Terry, obviously, are NOT the boss of me, though. No
one's the boss of me.
About the Author
Rubin is a wolf in Bichon Frise's clothing. Read his blog at
http://www.rubinman.co.uk
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