Let The Kissing Begin
A Georgia
Superhero!
One thing I've loved since I was a little boy were superheroes.
Believe me, I .....
Let The Kissing Begin
By David Leonhardt
Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at the barber shop,
lines are drawn, challenges leveled and, with any luck, somebody
walks out with very few blood stains. All over a seemingly innocent
discussion: What is the greatest sport ever'
Some say "football". Some say "baseball". Canadians say "hockey".
The rest of the world says "soccer". (Actually, they say
"football", too...but they mean "soccer".
I say: "kissing". Yes, kissing is the greatest sport ever. Allow me
to recount just a few of the reasons.
Kissing is a very versatile sport. There are so many kisses ' at
least one for each occasion. There is the peck on the cheek kiss,
the peck on each cheek kiss, the peck on your nephew's cheek kiss
while grabbing the other cheek flab with your hand, the madly
passionate kiss, the kiss on the hand, the kiss of death, the "Hey
you! Kiss this!", and even the town of Kissimmee (founded by early
Italian pioneer kissers) in Florida.
Kissing is easy to transport. It really doesn't matter where you
are. You can kiss: at the gym, in the boardroom, in the space
shuttle, even in Alaska from June through September.
Kissing requires very little equipment, meaning you can do it even
when unprepared, and even when you have to travel light. This makes
it the ideal participation sport for businessmen, world travelers
and hang gliders
Kissing always livens things up. Try this: the next time you are in
a booooring meeting that seems to last foreeeeever, why not just
kiss somebody. See how it livens things up'
A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes
Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future
lawyer'
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the .....
Kissing is legal in all 50 states and most countries. Rumors are
circulating that kissing will even be legalized soon on Mars,
Jupiter and in Afghanistan.
Kissing is 100% biodegradable, so when you kiss somebody, you help
the environment.
Kissing is safe to do in a moving vehicle, as long as you are not
driving.
Kissing is non toxic...unless you kiss somebody who has just
swallowed a bottle of Drano. Even so, kissing is still safe, as
long as you avoid the mouth area.
Kissing is non-fattening. This is perhaps the best news of all,
because now dieters have something to keep their mouths busy while
not eating, and smokers can quit smoking without having to chew
candies until they a) need to diet or b) induce diabetes. (Read the
headline: "Kissing prevents diabetes")
Kissing is organic, low in sodium, preservative-free, low in
saturated fats and does not contain dozens of delicious ingredients
that cannot be pronounced, like javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic
acid.
Most kisses are not tested on animals, but who am I to stifle your
sense of adventure.
You can kiss just about everyone: your boyfriend, your aunt, your
wife, your veterinarian, the Prime Minister of the Duchy of Grand
Fenwick and your pet aardvark. Don't try kissing them all at the
same time, though...especially not your boyfriend and your
wife.
Kissing meets the toughest safety regulations of any national or
international sporting organization. Kissing has a tremendous
safety record, except for the occasional locked braces. But a quick
call for a AAA tow truck fixes that problem (CAA in Canada, AA in
the UK, the local plumber in France)
The only recorded deaths involving kissing are by third parties,
usually wives, husbands, spurned lovers and other spectators who
somehow get past security and storm onto the playing field.
There are a few kisses we recommend you avoid. These are often
referred to as "extreme kissing". Don't kiss an on-duty sumo
wrestler; it is considered dangerous. Don't kiss a metal fence-post
in sub-zero weather; readers in northern climates know exactly what
I mean. Don't kiss any electrical outlets. Don't kiss the vacuum
cleaner if you want to retain all your vital organs. It's OK to
kiss sandpaper, just don't use your tongue. Don't kiss a chainsaw;
we feel this one is self-explanatory. And don't kiss your office
manager while on duty...unless you happen to be a work-from-home
hermit like me.
But overall, kissing is so great that it makes baseball, hockey,
football and soccer seem like bush league sports. Next time you
hear a brawl at your local barbershop, just go in and give everyone
a kiss. I guarantee that you will win the argument hands down. And
if not, at least you will make some new friends to argue with.
About the Author
David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
And A Daily Dose of Happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html
Read more humor columns at:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html
As well as owner of the Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store:
http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net
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